I realized something today. I have often blogged about my capers with my horses but I have never introduced them. So, I’ve decided to introduce you to the horses in my stable. But first, a few tips.

Trainers, The trick is… all of the horses must know about each other. They must also be a willing member of the stable. Because under no circumstances do you want a horse that doesn’t want to be kept. They’ll just kick, buck, and tear up your barn. Who needs that shyt? Besides, there’s just too many motherfuckas out there that would gladly be a part of your stable. Why stress?

Especially, if the word has gotten out that you have the reddest, juiciest apples… YUM!

So, without further ado, here are my horses in order of importance:

Stall 1: MR. DRED- Now Mr. Dred has been with me the longest. He is a tall brute who will always have a place in the stable. For he was my number one horse for a long time, before there was a stable and the reason why I have the little mule I have now, LIL’ DRED. Now Mr. Dred and I did not always get along. He used to be a shiftless mofo who didn’t want to carry any load, eat all day and fart. That motherfucka had to go! There was a time when that fucker kicked me and he was cast out into the wild. He spent some time on another farm and sired another mule on someone elses’ farm. But, after careful consideration and alot of healing. Mr. Dred and I made peace with each other because he realized his role and what exactly he needed to do to maintain the farm and Lil’ Dred. Therefore, he will always have a place in the stable. I couldn’t kick that bastard out if I tried. Lil’ Dred wouldn’t let me.

Stall 2. MR. CHOCO-  Now, the only reason why Mr. Choco is not number one is because he was not bred to produce a mule while on my farm. Mr. Choco is by far the best steed that I have in the fold. He is trustworthy, honest, and strong. Whenever there is a heavy loasd to be carried, That’s the horse your ass wants to call! He’s always around to lend a hoof and motivates the other horses to carry their load. By choice or by force. To say that Mr. Choco is the enforcer on the farm would be correct. He commands respect and will settle for nothing less… Ahhh… my hero! (But a fucking horse just the same)

Stall 3. MR. ED: Now, you were briefed on Mr. Ed in a previous blog. He has been allowed back into the fold after behaving badly. Now, I have to keep Mr. Ed and Mr. Choco’s stalls far apart. Because they have in the past engaged in fisticuffs. so, one is on one end, one on the other. Mr. Ed is harmless. A punk, if you will. but Mr. Ed can drive and will take a bytch anywhere she commands. He follows instruction quite well and is often always complimenting you time and time again. Most of it is just bullshyt to get a red apple but you have to respect his game just the same. 

Stall 4. MR. HEIME: Mr. Heime is a horse of a rare international breed. He is a Peruvian Horse which is imported from Israel. Quite a mix, huh? Well, Mr. Heime has proven himself to have great potential. I am still feeling my way around this horse but he seems to show great consideration for the other horses and fares how well they are doing. Now, at first a bytch was concerned. I mean, in case you didn’t know this, there is a sweetened horse in the stable. (See next horse). And he is an import. So I have my eyes on this mofo. If I catch him sucking Sugarfoot’s cock , I will do more than shoot his ass. I’ll castrate his sweet ass.

Stall 5: SUGARFOOT: Notice I left the “Mr.” title off of his name because to add it would be an insult. You see, Sugarfoot is a D-I-V-A!!! I’m talking two snaps and a motherfucking swirl! He was ashamed of his sweetness until him and I went on a long ride and made peace with each other. We are now like sistahgurls! Heeeeyyyy!!! But I have to watch this sweet beast. He knows of the other’s and would like nothing more than to recruit within my stable. So, he is constantly watched and accounted for. I also have to keep distance between him and Mr. Choco who hates pillowbiters. Sugarfoot can stay. He’s an excellent horse to take shopping but he very rarely wants to get his hands dirty. So, I have a feeling that his days are numbered. Until then… I’M WATCHING YOU AND MR. HEIMIE!

Stall 6: ?????????????: This stall used to belong to Mr. Snuggle until he was put down, poor useless bastard. (See previous blog) So, this slot is open! NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS!!!!

Well, now you have met the horses… I’ll keep you posted on their progress.

Laters!

Thyckk